Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
