I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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