we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
