People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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