he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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