saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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