she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
