oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
