You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
