i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
