ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
