Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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