so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
