You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
