so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
