She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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