I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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