Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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