i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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