I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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