Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.