yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit