Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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