first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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