Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
