you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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