Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
