He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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