Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
