sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
