I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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