I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
