I like my sex mixed with concussions.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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