I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
