I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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