i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
