I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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