So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
