They should really pass out barf bags in church
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
