Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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