I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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