i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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