Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
