$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
