haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
