Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
