i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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