update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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