i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
