dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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