I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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