Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
