here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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