Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
