She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
