Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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