Don't make out with my wife yet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
