yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
birth control should be required to get into college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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