Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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