those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
