Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
