We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
