Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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