OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
