4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
