I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
