I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
