You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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