i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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