I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
