I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
