soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
